Chapter Four- And the EYE's Have It

Did you know there is a difference between eyesight and vision?  I do now.  Two weeks ago I was of the assumption that they were the same thing- synonyms if you will- of each other. As it turns out eyesight is only a part of vision as a whole.  Eyesight is what they measure when you sit in a dark room staring at a projection of letter charts and answer the question - 'Better or worse' over and over again.  Vision is, as it turns out, a number of eye functions any one of which can go haywire.

In the past I would have used these words interchangeably and not have any idea that while I have gotten Keaton's eyes tested every year and replaced any number of pairs of his broken glasses that his eyes could be a major culprit in his duel of the written word.  The past week has educated me however.

Test One- We went the first day and the good Dr ran Keaton through a number of average eye tests.  He found the basic muscle functions to be in working order (sigh of relief), but from his observations and my description of Keaton's troubles with words he suspected there very well could be a visual problem.

Test Two- Keaton sat with the tech who ran him through a number of tests mostly visual a couple auditory, mostly to help rule hearing issues out, while my mom and I watched through a two-way window pressing our ears to the glass to try and figure out what was happening.

Results Day-  Today as I waited to find out what all the testing was about I didn't know whether I wanted the Dr to tell me everything was great and no problems, or whether I wanted to hear well we found something- because it would mean we had an answer.  The Dr walked in and said 'Oh this is a easy one'- and I just thought 'crap back at square one and i am running out of Dr's to take him to'. 

As a result of Keaton's array of testing, I am currently of the opinion that there is a supreme level of brilliance behind those innocent (deceivingly so) eyes of his.  In three of his tests he scored withinn normal range, in one slightly higher than normal range, in two tests he scored years ahead in development, and in one he got the highest score you can get.  Hey Einstein couldn't even talk until he was what 6 or something! 

So not to burst your bubble folks, sadly here is where we reach the BUT in our happy tale of high test scores.  In the final test he scored a developmental level of a 7 month old- not years- MONTHS!  This was the eye movement test.  Meaning his eyes bounce around the page and around everything else - basically he'll never pass the pen test, even stone cold sober. The first thing we learn in the English language is that you read from left to right.  Bouncing eyes make that practically impossible.  Imagine follow the bouncing ball on speed! 

I am, as usual, a bundle of emotions.  Okay well we have a starting point - we exercise the eye movement- so I am relieved for that.  Uplifted and determined because WOW he did so well on the other tests a little bit of bouncy eye won't hold him back- no way!   I am honestly just overjoyed that we can put our finger on something and say this is something that is getting between him and the words- a tangiable enemy.  Ah but there it is itching at me . . . nudging at the back of my thoughts . . . my old friend, preemie mom guilt.  If I only could have held on just a little longer made it just a little longer- he would have been a little bigger and a little stronger and maybe he wouldn't be going through this. 

I know though that feeling sorry for myself isn't going to get him anywhere and for whatever damage it may have left that ventilator kept him breathing and with me so whats a little eye movement problem. We've made it through worse and we'll make it through this no problem.  So we will spend part of our evenings looking at charts of squiggly lines and rows and rows of numbers and see how it goes. 

Now you'll have to excuse me I need to go obsessively google the term erratic eye movement - at least the guilt is productive!